I felt the creeping sensation that someone was
watching me. Between every cracked door and window, I felt the uneasiness of
eyes that followed and the presence of someone so close that I could feel the
faint breath at the nape of my neck. I was so alone, but so close; it was akin
to feeling the very clothes I wore holding me in --confining me. I screamed and
yelled at the top of my lungs. I heard nothing but the echo and the tapping of
my foot steps as I walked the long halls.
I felt a knot in my stomach as I licked my dry lips. I had
no idea how long I had gone without food or water. Had it been days or weeks?
How long had I been here before I woke? I slid my fingers down the edge of the
rails connected to the walls that ran between each room and braced myself. I
needed to find food and water.
I started opening every door that was unlocked and proceeded
to search and scavenge for any sign of running water for food. Room
after room I flipped over beds and shuffled through drawers. I turned every
faucet and flushed every bone dry toilet, but nothing happened. A surge of
panic came over me with the realization that I may starve to death –trapped.
Then out of nowhere I heard a
scratching noise echo through the halls. It was distant, so it must have come
from another end of the unit. Without thinking, I ran towards the sound. As I
passed the nurses’ station, my sense of logic came over me. I stopped and
peered down the long hallway. The light from the window only allowed in enough
light to see so far. What could it be? Maybe it’s a rat. Maybe it’s a person.
Maybe it’s something dangerous. I couldn’t be certain, so I grabbed a clipboard
off of the nurses’ desk, and moved toward the scratching –holding the clipboard
above my chest in an attempt to use it as both a shield and a weapon.
It seemed that with every step the
scratching became louder but farther away. I could feel the vibrations beneath my
bare feet on the cold hospital floors. Hesitant to continue, I pressed forward
like a curious child. The scratching was becoming louder and louder. Almost there,
it felt like the world was screaming around me with the scratching and the cold
that kept getting colder. As I touched the doors, the scratching had become so
loud that I had to hold my ears and shut my eyes from the pain. In a rush I
dropped the clipboard.
Smack!
The scratching stopped. I heard
nothing. I had curled in a ball on the floor in the fetal position and opened
my eyes to see the pages on the clipboard scattered across the floor. I grabbed
a few of the pages as I began to prop myself to rise.
I read across the pages and saw my name. I read words that
made little sense to me, but one word came through clear: surgery. I placed my
hand against the handle as warmth passed over me. Anticipation rose, with a
sense of excitement.
Click.
I can’t tell you what I saw when I opened that door, but
you will see for yourself one day. You have been my greatest friend in the
silence.
Goodbye.
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